


the couple that commits felonies together, stays together

by fenellaevangela



Category: Insatiable (TV 2018)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Post-Season/Series 01 Finale, References to Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-21 20:53:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17050388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fenellaevangela/pseuds/fenellaevangela
Summary: When Magnolia runs, she runs all the way home.





	the couple that commits felonies together, stays together

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mimm](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mimm/gifts).



Where do you go in the middle of the night, when you almost killed yourself and instead ended up helping your protege hide a dead body? This was a new one for Bob. Bob Armstrong was prepared for a lot of things – give him a last minute song change for the opening number, a pageant girl's sudden allergic reaction to the only brand of mascara he had packed in his caboodle, or even a surprise witness in what he thought was an open-and-shut case – he could take all of that in stride. But never once had he thought he'd be faced with a situation even remotely like this. 

Then again, he'd done a lot of unexpected things since meeting Patty.

Getting rid of a body was _not_ as easy as Bob had hoped, and Bob and Patty had ended up having to wade into the lake in order to push the car far enough that it could finally sink. It turned out the lake wasn't really all that deep near the shore, who knew? But all that trouble – besides being physically exhausting as well as mentally scarring – had left them with even more to clean up than just Christian's blood all over Patty's face. Both of them were soaking wet and they couldn't risk anyone seeing them like this, especially since Bob was under no illusions that the car was going to stay hidden for long. That meant the hotel definitely wasn't going to work, and Bob's house was a no-go because he was _not_ risking Coralee catching hide nor hair of all this.

So, where _do_ you go in the middle of the night, when you almost killed yourself and instead ended up helping your protege hide a dead body? The empty house your co-conspirator's mother left behind when she skipped town, obviously. No one was supposed to be there, but Bob thought they were safe enough. It just felt good to be behind closed doors and away from any potential prying eyes – especially since they were somewhere with hot running water. Bob didn't know if it was the emotional shock or the chill from the lake, but he'd been freezing since they'd fled the scene and he was ready for a shower. He had his nose in the Bladell linen closet looking for a towel with an appropriate thread count, and Patty was just emerging from the bathroom followed by a cloud of steam that was calling Bob's name, when his phone buzzed. He dug it out of his breast pocket, the only pocket in his entire outfit that had made it out of that damn lake dry, but only huffed a little and stuffed it back when he saw Bob Barnard's name on the caller ID.

“Who's calling you this late?” Patty asked, her voice tense.

Bob turned, ready to dismiss her concerns. “Oh, it's just - ” But then he paused. He was about to shove his personal problems under the rug, but hell, hadn't he already admitted to Patty that he was going to kill himself tonight? Why tell her that but then hide the reason why? He changed gears. “Well, actually, it's Bob 'Bad Timing' Barnard. He asked me something pretty serious earlier and I guess he's looking for his answer.”

Patty frowned. “At this time of night? Was it something – sorry, that's none of my business.”

Bob's phone buzzed again. He ignored it.

“Oh, it might as well be your business. I think we've already crossed that line.” Bob sighed. “Coralee and I reconciled and never you mind the details but I thought there was a real chance that I could be with both of them - ”

“Both? Is that an option?”

“Well, I thought it was!” said Bob. All the night's earlier pain bubbled to the surface.“It _feels_ like an option; I'm in love with both of them! But Bob told me it had to be him or Coralee. He wants me to choose the lesser of two heartbreaks and it wasn't supposed to _be_ this way, and everything's moving so fast . . .”

Patty touched Bob's arm. “Bob, I know some of that is my fault – again, I am _so_ sorry, I never should've-” 

Her apology was interrupted by another persistent buzzing from Bob's pocket.

“Maybe you should answer it,” Patty suggested.

“Uh, right now?” Bob asked, trying to encompass their whole outrageous situation in one sweep of his hand. 

“Well, we want to avoid suspicion, don't we?” asked Patty. Bob nodded. “Okay, so if we hadn't just dumped a body in the lake would you have answered him or not? Wouldn't you want to speak with him after what happened?”

Bob had to admit that she made a good point. If only Barnard had called _after_ Bob had had his turn in the shower so he didn't have to have this conversation covered in lake residue. He sighed and answered the phone call.

Barnard's voice came over the line immediately. “Bob, are you all right? Where are you?”

“What do you mean, where am I? I'm . . .” He gestured frantically at Patty, who was mouthing an answer at him. If only Bob was better at reading lips – Oh! “I'm at home! Of course! Where else would I be?”

Silence rang in his ear for a moment before Barnard spoke again. “Well, I know you're not with Coralee, because I already called her when you didn't pick up the first time.”

Bob was shocked. Barnard had spoken with Coralee? So soon after giving his ultimatum?

“So why are you lying, Bob?” Barnard continued. “Is something wrong? Look, cough twice for 'yes'.”

“Cough – what?”

“What's happening?” Patty whispered.

Bob shook his head. He had _no_ idea. 

“Are you able to talk freely?” Barnard asked.

“Am I – of course I am!” said Bob. “What's going on?”

“You tell me. Magnolia came home tonight scared out of her mind, telling me she was kidnapped, telling me Patty Bladell was involved. And I know full well whenever Patty's involved, you're bound to get tangled up with it.”

Bob knew the blood was draining from his face and he knew that Patty could see it. She grabbed his arm and squeezed.

“Okay, yes, Patty is mixed up in something and I'm trying to help her through it. But Bob, Magnolia doesn't have the whole story,” Bob explained.

“And I expect you to tell me the whole story, but not now,” Barnard said. “I have Magnolia at the hospital to make sure that Christian boy didn't do any lasting damage, but she's agreed to keep the incident between the four of us until you and I can have a conversation face to face.”

Bob locked eyes with Patty. “She did?”

“We shouldn't talk about this over the phone, but I'll say this. One thing Magnolia knows for sure is that Patty's the only reason she got away when she did. I don't know what happened after she got out of there but I have a feeling you could use my help and I - ” Barnard's voice shifted, softened. “I want to help you.”

Relief flooded through Bob. Their secret wasn't blown; Barnard was going to help them fix this. Help _Bob_ fix this. God, Bob was actually _smiling_ , and just a few hours ago he thought he'd never smile again.

He and Barnard quickly made arrangements to meet at the office the next morning and then ended the call. 

“Well?” asked Patty.

“I think we've got a real shot,” Bob said. “I think everything might be okay after all.”

Bob was more than ready to finally take his shower and try to get some shut eye after what had been a truly horrible day, but before going to bed he had to decide just how exactly he was going to explain the whole lake situation to Barnard. 

And then there was Stella Rose . . .


End file.
